The hospital plans were made completely by our birth parents. We were told of them and felt it was completely open and generous on A's behalf.
We chose open adoption. We knew the benefits for the child and both families. More love for a person is always a good thing. Open adoption is not always easy and full of smiles. Open adoption can be anything from we send you updates a few times a year to an open door policy where birth parents are able to drop by any time. We are somewhere in the middle. It has taken a lot of communication to be where we are all comfortable. It has taken compromise on both our sides. I was so afraid of offending or scaring off our birth mom, but I did not want to promise things I knew I couldn't deliver. I could always add, but it would be the worst to take away! We agreed before the baby what the first 6 months would look like. I feel that the birth parents were as respectful and anxious as we were when we stated what we wanted. Getting it all out was the best thing we could do. Our first visit was after 3 weeks. E was still a tiny guy on oxygen that we tried to protect. We met at the agency in the room that we met in the first time. E was passed back and forth between birth parents. E was a big baby that weighed over 8 pounds, but thinking back he was so tiny compared to his whopping 24 pounds at 1 year! I will admit that for the first 6 months, visits stressed me out. I felt the need for bonding with E. I wasn't sure how all interactions would go. (BTW, A & B were always great. The stress subsided after we met anywhere.) Originally, our social worker suggested the first visit happen at 6 months. The thought of that stressed out A. After our first visit, we met every month. A and I would text back and forth planning the visits. We all enjoyed eating and especially ice cream. E would get his first taste way early, but it was nice to share that first.
There were other updates besides visits. We had agreed on weekly texts with pictures and information on E. A had a hard time and had her social worker ask for daily pictures. We did that for a while. It was nice to remember to take pictures of him. It started getting hard to remember when I went back to work. I talked with A and she agreed to weekly updates. After a while, it turned to monthly/E's firsts. She liked to know when he crawled, sat up, talked, walked, etc. It was also a good reminder to write it in my amazing baby book that my husband got me for my first mother's day. It is a special adoption baby book that includes space for information on birth parents. It is super sweet.
With time, we are getting better at knowing each other's personalities and communication styles. I feel more secure in my roll as E's mom. The dad's have always seemed not too affected by emotional things, but I think it has taken some time to become more comfortable as birth and adoptive moms. I'm purely speaking from my perspective. We definitely feel very blessed to have found the perfect birth parents for us. I'm grateful that not only A is living E, but B is involved as well. I really always wanted the birth father to still be connected especially when knowing we were having a boy. Texts and pictures seem to flow more freely. I look forward to sharing because I want to. A and B are always gracious and positive. I find it funny when B claims traits like E's stubbornness.
My hopes that are in the future our relationship will continue to grown with A and B and their family. A's family like visits with E. We had a 6 month visit at the park with Popsicles. They were invited to his first birthday. E enjoyed all the attention and presents! There is so much love to go around! Open adoption has blessed our lives, E, birth family, and our extended family!
