The hospital plans were made completely by our birth parents. We were told of them and felt it was completely open and generous on A's behalf.
We chose open adoption. We knew the benefits for the child and both families. More love for a person is always a good thing. Open adoption is not always easy and full of smiles. Open adoption can be anything from we send you updates a few times a year to an open door policy where birth parents are able to drop by any time. We are somewhere in the middle. It has taken a lot of communication to be where we are all comfortable. It has taken compromise on both our sides. I was so afraid of offending or scaring off our birth mom, but I did not want to promise things I knew I couldn't deliver. I could always add, but it would be the worst to take away! We agreed before the baby what the first 6 months would look like. I feel that the birth parents were as respectful and anxious as we were when we stated what we wanted. Getting it all out was the best thing we could do. Our first visit was after 3 weeks. E was still a tiny guy on oxygen that we tried to protect. We met at the agency in the room that we met in the first time. E was passed back and forth between birth parents. E was a big baby that weighed over 8 pounds, but thinking back he was so tiny compared to his whopping 24 pounds at 1 year! I will admit that for the first 6 months, visits stressed me out. I felt the need for bonding with E. I wasn't sure how all interactions would go. (BTW, A & B were always great. The stress subsided after we met anywhere.) Originally, our social worker suggested the first visit happen at 6 months. The thought of that stressed out A. After our first visit, we met every month. A and I would text back and forth planning the visits. We all enjoyed eating and especially ice cream. E would get his first taste way early, but it was nice to share that first.
There were other updates besides visits. We had agreed on weekly texts with pictures and information on E. A had a hard time and had her social worker ask for daily pictures. We did that for a while. It was nice to remember to take pictures of him. It started getting hard to remember when I went back to work. I talked with A and she agreed to weekly updates. After a while, it turned to monthly/E's firsts. She liked to know when he crawled, sat up, talked, walked, etc. It was also a good reminder to write it in my amazing baby book that my husband got me for my first mother's day. It is a special adoption baby book that includes space for information on birth parents. It is super sweet.
With time, we are getting better at knowing each other's personalities and communication styles. I feel more secure in my roll as E's mom. The dad's have always seemed not too affected by emotional things, but I think it has taken some time to become more comfortable as birth and adoptive moms. I'm purely speaking from my perspective. We definitely feel very blessed to have found the perfect birth parents for us. I'm grateful that not only A is living E, but B is involved as well. I really always wanted the birth father to still be connected especially when knowing we were having a boy. Texts and pictures seem to flow more freely. I look forward to sharing because I want to. A and B are always gracious and positive. I find it funny when B claims traits like E's stubbornness.
My hopes that are in the future our relationship will continue to grown with A and B and their family. A's family like visits with E. We had a 6 month visit at the park with Popsicles. They were invited to his first birthday. E enjoyed all the attention and presents! There is so much love to go around! Open adoption has blessed our lives, E, birth family, and our extended family!
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Better Late than Never!
A little over a year ago, we received an answer to our prayers. We were placed with a beautiful baby boy, E. The search for loving birth parents for an open adoption went quicker than planned. People always say that the perfect birth parents will find you, and they did! Our sweet birth parents chose us August 7, 2014 to receive this wonderful blessing. Also, at the same family party they announced they chose us, there was a gender reveal. It was so fun and cute! It was a boy!!
For shortness sake and respect, let's call E's birth parents A & B. We hung out with A & B every couple of weeks trying to get to know them and build a relationship. Open adoption can be such a wonderful blessing in the lives of all the parents and the child. It can also be really tough to be super sensitive and open. The best advice I can give anyone is to be loving, respectful, and give a great effort. Don't promise anything you can't deliver. Sometimes we were asked for more, but we had to say no even when we feared that word. We also had to be flexible because we had to change some of our agreements to better suit the needs of A & B. I'm sure they did a lot of compromising on their part too to make us more comfortable also.
E developed a love of ice cream and fries from a very prenatal age, I think! It is some of his favorite foods. He also loves peas and green beans so don't think I'm total junk food! We had many ice cream double dates and times out just bonding as parents.
Sweet little E was brought into this world with LOTS of love and family! We were privileged to be at E's birth and hospital stay. We watched replays of Liverpool soccer as we giggled and smiled as he was born. I realize that it isn't always the norm. E was born with pneumonia. They say it just happens sometimes. He was whisked off to the nursery after a quick hold by A. My husband and I followed him to the nursery taking pictures and sending them to family and A & B. A did marvelously!! She was a champion!
The hospital was very accommodating and generous. Since they knew this was going to be an adoption, they gave us two of everything. We both received footprints, receiving blankets, and name cards (from the bassinets).
Since A was stuck in bed and E was stuck in the nursery because he had to have oxygen, IV, and antibiotics, I ran back and forth between them. I stayed with A the first night. I tried really hard to help her as best I could. She really wanted to see E. I went and took pictures and videos of him and texted them to her so she could see him. We would both just stare at the photos and take it all in.
B stayed with A the last night in the hospital. I went home with my husband to try to get one of the last full nights of uninterrupted sleep. Ha! I can't sleep when I'm excited and stressed. Adoption can bring on both of those. We hadn't been placed with E in our care yet. Dad had to go to work each day as the hospital bills mounted. He came after work to the hospital for his snuggles. I went to the hospital in the morning, came home for lunch and give Stella, our golden doodle and first child, love, and returned to the hospital in the afternoon. I was grateful the hospital was a quick drive although it became a little tiring going back and forth.
All the paperwork was signed, and we were officially placed with E at 48 hours when A was released from the hospital. E stayed in the hospital for a week to receive all of his doses of antibiotics. He stayed in the nursery for the first 5 days, and then he was moved upstairs to a Primary Children's Hospital level for the last 3 days. I remember leaving the hospital with E still there at 48 hours. We were emotionally and physically drained from our experience. You are so happy to have a child and be parents, but you feel for A & B in this time of their life. They are grieving for the same reason you are celebrating. I was happy they stayed at the hospital after we left to spend time with E.
Scott and I went to get a quick bite to eat. After a little food, we were revived. I couldn't stop smiling. I told our sweet waiter all about how we just became parents through adoption. I'm not sure how much he understood, but he smiled and congratulated us. I felt like screaming it from the top of the world.
It was a Tuesday that we were placed with E. I work with teenage girls in our church, and I knew they were having an activity. I had been dropping hints about a possible adoption, but most of them had no idea. We went to their activity and announced the birth of our E. They were all jumping for joy, asking for pictures, and smiling with tears in their eyes. We had kept our adoption news to our close friends and family because of our past experiences. There were no showers, no announcements, no gifts, until everything was signed. We would still have to go to court to finalize, but we had to have it this way. At home, we had all the basic needs. I had stocked up food. There were diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, some hand-me-downs from a sweet friend, pack-n-play, changing pad, and carseat (hand-me-down).
People were so excited for us. At the first announcements, people were overjoyed and very generous. It took many by shock how quiet we kept it at church and work, well my work! Scott had told a few fellow teachers at his school, and it spread like wildfire. I took 5 weeks of maternity leave. I only work for about 10 hours a week, and when I'm gone, E is well taken care of by loved ones and Dad. Speaking of excitement! Since E was on oxygen from the pneumonia for the first 4-5 weeks, we stayed inside a lot and away from people. It was January in Utah!! Our friends and family brought us meals for about the first 6 weeks of E's life. Precious friends were invited to see him and bring dinner while in the last few days of the hospital. We were so grateful not to have to leave E's side to get food.
We were able to get a few glimpses of newborn life when we had E in a room to ourselves. That was in the Primary Children's level. I spent the first and last night with E waking up, changing, and feeding him every three hours. I was deliriously happy! I'm a person who enjoys sleeping at night more than most. I'm not a napper. After waiting nearly 7 years to have a child, I was overjoyed to do it all! I remember once he tooted when I changed him at the hospital and shot poop 4 feet that hit me and the wall beside me. All I could do was laugh. A & B were there, but they didn't seem as amused.
The nurses were so wonderful in the nursery and Primary's. We brought them chocolates, more chocolate, and doughnuts. They really became like family since we saw them around the clock. Nurse Sandy was my favorite. She was there 4 of the 5 days in the nursery. You could tell how much she loved and cared for each precious child in there. E was by far the biggest baby at 8 pounds. People would look at him and be shocked he was hooked up to machines. He looked perfect and beautiful! The nurses at Primary's were excited to have such a little one be apart of their floor. They would come in the middle of the night and want to talk about E and his adoption. I was happy to share our loving story, but I was also an exhausted first time mom. Ha!
After E received his last dose of antibiotics late the last night, we were released with a small oxygen tank the next morning. We were grateful to leave the noisy hospital and go home. It was frightening to watch the baby CPR video and pray that I wouldn't need it. I am thankful that I haven't needed it yet, but that I have the knowledge if ever needed. The Social worker had to carry out E with his oxygen tank. A & B were there to spend a little time and say their goodbyes. We dressed him in his take home outfit that A & B gave him. He was so cute in his newborn outfit even if it only fit for a week. We loaded up E, took pictures, gave hugs, and said our goodbyes. I drove the most carefully I ever did home. Scott drove his car home too.
For a week, we prepared our sweet dog, Stella for E. Sandy had given us his blanket with his smell. I had brought home his soiled outfit for her to smell. She was overjoyed and interested in his smell. It made us happy and a little nervous at her energy, but we knew she would be a wonderful dog. We had her around children from the time she was 8 weeks old. For the last 3 days, Stella had stayed with a few of her favorite families in the neighborhood and grandma. We took E in the house, and Scott went to get Stella. She was so gentle and happy to meet him. It couldn't have gone better. Since that first day they are inseparable. She even sleeps in the hallway outside his room. Stella comes and gets me when she hears him start waking up. E rolls over her, pulls her hair, uses her to help steady his walk, and she just kisses him! Occasionally she leaves his side if he's being rough, but I don't blame her. She loves it best when he plays tug-of-war with her. It's the cutest big sister/little brother relationship!
Well, if you have made it to the end, there is plenty more of our story to be written another day. Nap time is coming to an end, and I need to shower before that happens! Little sacrifices of mothers everywhere! A, B, and E have brought so much happiness and joy to our lives that we couldn't have imagined. We will be eternally grateful!
For shortness sake and respect, let's call E's birth parents A & B. We hung out with A & B every couple of weeks trying to get to know them and build a relationship. Open adoption can be such a wonderful blessing in the lives of all the parents and the child. It can also be really tough to be super sensitive and open. The best advice I can give anyone is to be loving, respectful, and give a great effort. Don't promise anything you can't deliver. Sometimes we were asked for more, but we had to say no even when we feared that word. We also had to be flexible because we had to change some of our agreements to better suit the needs of A & B. I'm sure they did a lot of compromising on their part too to make us more comfortable also.
E developed a love of ice cream and fries from a very prenatal age, I think! It is some of his favorite foods. He also loves peas and green beans so don't think I'm total junk food! We had many ice cream double dates and times out just bonding as parents.
Sweet little E was brought into this world with LOTS of love and family! We were privileged to be at E's birth and hospital stay. We watched replays of Liverpool soccer as we giggled and smiled as he was born. I realize that it isn't always the norm. E was born with pneumonia. They say it just happens sometimes. He was whisked off to the nursery after a quick hold by A. My husband and I followed him to the nursery taking pictures and sending them to family and A & B. A did marvelously!! She was a champion!
The hospital was very accommodating and generous. Since they knew this was going to be an adoption, they gave us two of everything. We both received footprints, receiving blankets, and name cards (from the bassinets).
Since A was stuck in bed and E was stuck in the nursery because he had to have oxygen, IV, and antibiotics, I ran back and forth between them. I stayed with A the first night. I tried really hard to help her as best I could. She really wanted to see E. I went and took pictures and videos of him and texted them to her so she could see him. We would both just stare at the photos and take it all in.
B stayed with A the last night in the hospital. I went home with my husband to try to get one of the last full nights of uninterrupted sleep. Ha! I can't sleep when I'm excited and stressed. Adoption can bring on both of those. We hadn't been placed with E in our care yet. Dad had to go to work each day as the hospital bills mounted. He came after work to the hospital for his snuggles. I went to the hospital in the morning, came home for lunch and give Stella, our golden doodle and first child, love, and returned to the hospital in the afternoon. I was grateful the hospital was a quick drive although it became a little tiring going back and forth.
All the paperwork was signed, and we were officially placed with E at 48 hours when A was released from the hospital. E stayed in the hospital for a week to receive all of his doses of antibiotics. He stayed in the nursery for the first 5 days, and then he was moved upstairs to a Primary Children's Hospital level for the last 3 days. I remember leaving the hospital with E still there at 48 hours. We were emotionally and physically drained from our experience. You are so happy to have a child and be parents, but you feel for A & B in this time of their life. They are grieving for the same reason you are celebrating. I was happy they stayed at the hospital after we left to spend time with E.
Scott and I went to get a quick bite to eat. After a little food, we were revived. I couldn't stop smiling. I told our sweet waiter all about how we just became parents through adoption. I'm not sure how much he understood, but he smiled and congratulated us. I felt like screaming it from the top of the world.
It was a Tuesday that we were placed with E. I work with teenage girls in our church, and I knew they were having an activity. I had been dropping hints about a possible adoption, but most of them had no idea. We went to their activity and announced the birth of our E. They were all jumping for joy, asking for pictures, and smiling with tears in their eyes. We had kept our adoption news to our close friends and family because of our past experiences. There were no showers, no announcements, no gifts, until everything was signed. We would still have to go to court to finalize, but we had to have it this way. At home, we had all the basic needs. I had stocked up food. There were diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, some hand-me-downs from a sweet friend, pack-n-play, changing pad, and carseat (hand-me-down).
People were so excited for us. At the first announcements, people were overjoyed and very generous. It took many by shock how quiet we kept it at church and work, well my work! Scott had told a few fellow teachers at his school, and it spread like wildfire. I took 5 weeks of maternity leave. I only work for about 10 hours a week, and when I'm gone, E is well taken care of by loved ones and Dad. Speaking of excitement! Since E was on oxygen from the pneumonia for the first 4-5 weeks, we stayed inside a lot and away from people. It was January in Utah!! Our friends and family brought us meals for about the first 6 weeks of E's life. Precious friends were invited to see him and bring dinner while in the last few days of the hospital. We were so grateful not to have to leave E's side to get food.
We were able to get a few glimpses of newborn life when we had E in a room to ourselves. That was in the Primary Children's level. I spent the first and last night with E waking up, changing, and feeding him every three hours. I was deliriously happy! I'm a person who enjoys sleeping at night more than most. I'm not a napper. After waiting nearly 7 years to have a child, I was overjoyed to do it all! I remember once he tooted when I changed him at the hospital and shot poop 4 feet that hit me and the wall beside me. All I could do was laugh. A & B were there, but they didn't seem as amused.
The nurses were so wonderful in the nursery and Primary's. We brought them chocolates, more chocolate, and doughnuts. They really became like family since we saw them around the clock. Nurse Sandy was my favorite. She was there 4 of the 5 days in the nursery. You could tell how much she loved and cared for each precious child in there. E was by far the biggest baby at 8 pounds. People would look at him and be shocked he was hooked up to machines. He looked perfect and beautiful! The nurses at Primary's were excited to have such a little one be apart of their floor. They would come in the middle of the night and want to talk about E and his adoption. I was happy to share our loving story, but I was also an exhausted first time mom. Ha!
After E received his last dose of antibiotics late the last night, we were released with a small oxygen tank the next morning. We were grateful to leave the noisy hospital and go home. It was frightening to watch the baby CPR video and pray that I wouldn't need it. I am thankful that I haven't needed it yet, but that I have the knowledge if ever needed. The Social worker had to carry out E with his oxygen tank. A & B were there to spend a little time and say their goodbyes. We dressed him in his take home outfit that A & B gave him. He was so cute in his newborn outfit even if it only fit for a week. We loaded up E, took pictures, gave hugs, and said our goodbyes. I drove the most carefully I ever did home. Scott drove his car home too.
For a week, we prepared our sweet dog, Stella for E. Sandy had given us his blanket with his smell. I had brought home his soiled outfit for her to smell. She was overjoyed and interested in his smell. It made us happy and a little nervous at her energy, but we knew she would be a wonderful dog. We had her around children from the time she was 8 weeks old. For the last 3 days, Stella had stayed with a few of her favorite families in the neighborhood and grandma. We took E in the house, and Scott went to get Stella. She was so gentle and happy to meet him. It couldn't have gone better. Since that first day they are inseparable. She even sleeps in the hallway outside his room. Stella comes and gets me when she hears him start waking up. E rolls over her, pulls her hair, uses her to help steady his walk, and she just kisses him! Occasionally she leaves his side if he's being rough, but I don't blame her. She loves it best when he plays tug-of-war with her. It's the cutest big sister/little brother relationship!
Well, if you have made it to the end, there is plenty more of our story to be written another day. Nap time is coming to an end, and I need to shower before that happens! Little sacrifices of mothers everywhere! A, B, and E have brought so much happiness and joy to our lives that we couldn't have imagined. We will be eternally grateful!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Adoption Profile Complete!
We have completed all our of requirements, finished our profile, and have joined the thousands of hopeful parents waiting to adopt a beautiful infant. It is a difficult process to wait to be chosen and blessed with a little one. I cannot imagine the process of choosing parents for your unborn child are any less difficult. The process would have to be the most tough time in someone's life. All we can do is pray for our birth parents and love them. We do not know who they are yet, but we already love and appreciate their selfless sacrifice.
You can view and pass on our profile to anyone that may be interested or know someone who is thinking of placing a child for adoption. We are looking for an open adoption with contact with the birth parents before and after placement. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/28455431/ourMessage.jsf
The main website is itsaboutlove.org. Our profile number is 28455431. Thanks!
This is a recent picture of us for our adoption profile.
Stella as a puppy! I can't believe how small she was!
Yes! I do love to dress my sweet puppy! She was a few months old here.
Scott's loving family
You can view and pass on our profile to anyone that may be interested or know someone who is thinking of placing a child for adoption. We are looking for an open adoption with contact with the birth parents before and after placement. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/28455431/ourMessage.jsf
The main website is itsaboutlove.org. Our profile number is 28455431. Thanks!
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Slow on Process
We have been slow on completing the adoption process for LDS Family Services our newest adoption agency. It has taken a few introductions to prospective birth parents to light a fire under us. We hope to have it complete and published by Monday. I am excited about the possibilities but worried about the uncertainty. It will be wonderful to be picked by a birth couple/mother/father.
Stella will turn one on July 11, 2013. We are excited to throw a birthday party for her! I should change that, I am excited to have a birthday party for her. Scott just gives me funny looks when I talk about it. Ha! He will enjoy the cake and special dinner. Stella will enjoy the special treats and all the attention.
Well, we are enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon at Grandma's house. I hear Stella's name being called from the kitchen in a naughty scolded voice so I should check on her. She loves to help, but she isn't much help.
Stella will turn one on July 11, 2013. We are excited to throw a birthday party for her! I should change that, I am excited to have a birthday party for her. Scott just gives me funny looks when I talk about it. Ha! He will enjoy the cake and special dinner. Stella will enjoy the special treats and all the attention.
Well, we are enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon at Grandma's house. I hear Stella's name being called from the kitchen in a naughty scolded voice so I should check on her. She loves to help, but she isn't much help.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Stinker Houdini
Well, having a puppy is wonderful! She beautiful, full of energy, and loves people. There is still no set name.
Scott keeps calling her Stelga because he wanted to name her Helga, but we both like the name Stella (like a scooter). With everything that has happened, I think we should call her Sassy Stella Stinkers! It totally describes her.
Last night was an adventure to say the least. She slept well from 10 pm to about 2 am. She then went back to sleep for another hour and woke up yelping and ready to play. She was up howling from 3 am to 7 am. Then she went to sleep as I left for work. I had put her in a pen last night and this morning.
When I got home from work, she was NOT in the pen! She can climb out! I guess we'll start putting her in the crate! She is a little Houdini, LOUD talker, and sweetheart. I just love watching her sleep. She has this one spot in the kitchen that she loves to lie on.
I'm off to play! I will have to put up pictures when I get to my main computer.
Scott keeps calling her Stelga because he wanted to name her Helga, but we both like the name Stella (like a scooter). With everything that has happened, I think we should call her Sassy Stella Stinkers! It totally describes her.
Last night was an adventure to say the least. She slept well from 10 pm to about 2 am. She then went back to sleep for another hour and woke up yelping and ready to play. She was up howling from 3 am to 7 am. Then she went to sleep as I left for work. I had put her in a pen last night and this morning.
When I got home from work, she was NOT in the pen! She can climb out! I guess we'll start putting her in the crate! She is a little Houdini, LOUD talker, and sweetheart. I just love watching her sleep. She has this one spot in the kitchen that she loves to lie on.
I'm off to play! I will have to put up pictures when I get to my main computer.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
New Puppy
In 4 days, we get our newest member of our family. We pick up our sweet little girl puppy on Thursday! She is an adorable mini blonde golden doodle. She does not have a name yet, but there are some contenders. Scott gets to name the dog since I picked out the breed. Goldendoodles are hypo-allergenic. He likes the names Helga, Gertrude, or Beulah. My picks would be Stella or Susie. We will see what she is named on Thursday. We are so excited!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
New Adventure
Scott is starting his new career in just 3 days! He will be a high school social science teacher. Although this means more stability and comfort for our family, it also means we cannot travel for long periods of time at the drop of a hat.
My husband and I are starting a new adventure. We love our children in Poland, but realize there is no possibility of a future. They will be loved forever and prayed for often. We have seem to have hit every possible road block on our quest for a family! Our hearts are still wide open to adoption, but we are focusing closer to home.
This is a new leaf in our life. We are pursuing infant adoption through LDS Adoptions. This could take a few years, but we have waited that long already. We have learned to cherish each and every moment with each other and each child that we are blessed to come in contact with. We are grateful for all the support we have received from friends and loved ones. Thanks to all the women at church that let me hold your sweet babies.
Looking back, I thought it could all be planned out and put to a time schedule. I do not consider myself to be controlling or demanding, but I do like life to be predictable and for things to progress at a certain rate. Life is unpredictable, and no one I know has a crystal ball. I have checked!
You can help us out. If you hear of someone who is pregnant and considering adoption, you can refer them to this blog. We will soon put a profile in itsaboutlove.org. I will let you know when it is up and posted. Thank you as always! We love and appreciate you!
My husband and I are starting a new adventure. We love our children in Poland, but realize there is no possibility of a future. They will be loved forever and prayed for often. We have seem to have hit every possible road block on our quest for a family! Our hearts are still wide open to adoption, but we are focusing closer to home.
This is a new leaf in our life. We are pursuing infant adoption through LDS Adoptions. This could take a few years, but we have waited that long already. We have learned to cherish each and every moment with each other and each child that we are blessed to come in contact with. We are grateful for all the support we have received from friends and loved ones. Thanks to all the women at church that let me hold your sweet babies.
Looking back, I thought it could all be planned out and put to a time schedule. I do not consider myself to be controlling or demanding, but I do like life to be predictable and for things to progress at a certain rate. Life is unpredictable, and no one I know has a crystal ball. I have checked!
You can help us out. If you hear of someone who is pregnant and considering adoption, you can refer them to this blog. We will soon put a profile in itsaboutlove.org. I will let you know when it is up and posted. Thank you as always! We love and appreciate you!
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